They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I want her autograph on my taint
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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