What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
