My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
