when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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