I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
