but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
