I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
