She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
