So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
