apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
