Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
