Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
