I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
