Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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