stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
