he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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