my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
