mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need to calm my uterus...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize