He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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