I didn't shave. On purpose
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
