But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
