There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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