I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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