Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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