At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
then he tried to convert me to islam
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
