well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize