ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
