i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They took my balls.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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