It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
