he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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