how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
