Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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