My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
