well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
