at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Every concussion has its silver lining
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
