I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
