Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
