I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
