You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
