so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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