Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize