Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
