i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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