See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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