I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think my fart just growled at me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize