I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize