Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
