so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
