At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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