our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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