The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize