I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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