Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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