I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
