Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
