Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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