The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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