new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
