i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
