im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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