dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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