just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
