Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
