Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
