Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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