Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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