well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
His nipple licking is glorious
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