What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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