just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
