dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
