He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
