I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
