We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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