I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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