oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
