my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize