She is in my trunk
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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