Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
