how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
