Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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