I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
