Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
