Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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