turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
