We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
