FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
