this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
