You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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