I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like abortions should bother me more
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
