I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize